this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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