Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
