A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
