hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
