I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
