She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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