I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
