normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
