so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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