honey bunches of taint.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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