I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it glows. i had to have it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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