I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
