Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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