Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
