I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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