Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
