What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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