i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
