Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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