...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
