in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
