my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
