I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
