6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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