I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
