you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Randomize