the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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