All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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