from now on my penis is your penis
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
