when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
