Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want a musical about memes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
