she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
