I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
