The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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