Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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