Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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