im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
