i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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