Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
