Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
