i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
