I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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