I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
