We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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