I love black thongs
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Randomize
