She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
