I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
