We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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