the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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