I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
