I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
