i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
