Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
