We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
