What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
