it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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