Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
