This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
