I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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