just tell him i said nine months
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
