So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
