Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
