She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
im on a boat
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