I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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