I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize