And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
