This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
