Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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