I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
