You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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