I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
