so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
