You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
