Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
