How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Couch. On fire.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
