i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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